Take Me or Leave Me
by ratti
Summary: After several years in a failing relationship, what is Snape to do with his lover?


**Take Me Or Leave Me**

The song is written by Jonathan Larson. The characters are K.K. Rowling's. I own nothing unfortunately. Reviews are always welcome (hint hint...) _  
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_Every single day_

_I walk down the street_

_I hear people say baby,_

_So sweet_

It was the same every time. He would be the perfect man at home, but when they went out. When they went out, the world turned against him. He couldn't hold Sirius's attention. Every man and woman turned to stare at what wasn't theirs. He is mine. But he loves the attention. He flaunts in it; he absorbs it into his big head and keeps walking. He pretends it means nothing, but I see the change in him. His whole face lights up in a way I can't reproduce.

_Ever since puberty_

_Everybody stares at me_

_Boys, girls, I can't help it baby_

I noticed him in my teens, when he just began to blossom. So did the rest of the world. Girls and some boys of all ages and creeds lined up to be with him. That was where he got the ego. He went through partners like people go through socks. He didn't care about the ones he hurt along the way. I never came up to him; I preferred to watch. He was so beautiful, as he is still now, but so cruel in his youth.

_So be kind_

_And don't lose your mind_

_Just remember,_

_That I'm your baby_

He says that they don't matter, the girls throwing themselves at him. He says they don't mean anything. But I see him flirting; it burns my eyes as he flirts with them all. The men in their tight leather pants and the women in their short skirts and low shirts. He loves it, my Sirius does. He can pretend all he wants; say that he is trying to be friendly, nothing more. I laugh in my head and then leave to cry.

_Take me for what I am_

_Who I was meant to be_

_And if you give a damn_

_Take me baby_

_Or leave me_

Sometimes I want to leave. He hurts me too much or goes too far, and I threaten but I never do it. I can't bear to lose him, but at the same time I can't bare to be with him. Everyone wonders how such a man as Sirius Black, one of the most eligible bachelors in the wizarding world, ended up with Severus Snape. I don't know. I don't make him happy; if I did, he wouldn't hurt me so.

_A tiger in a cage_

_Can never see the sun_

_Oh this diva needs her stage_

_Baby, let's have fun _

He says it's just fun. He has no feelings for the boys and girls he plays with. Is that the same with me? Does he tell them that he doesn't care about me to get them into his bed? I know that he sleeps with them, despite his pleadings of innocence. He says I'm too suspicious and how could anyone have a relationship when they're with some one like me? He says that all he wants is some personal space. But how do I trust him with that? All of our arguments… Sometimes I don't see the point to our relationship.

_You are the one I choose_

_Folks would kill to fill your shoes_

_You love the limelight too,_

_Now baby_

He says that he only wants to be with me, just me, only me. But then I see him with some little queen and I see red. I see him with a dizzy blonde on her knees. He tells me there are plenty of people that would fully appreciate him. Why doesn't he go to them, then? If he is so upset with me, why doesn't he leave? He tells me I would enjoy his lifestyle if only I would loosen up. How can he love me for me if he wants me to be someone else? I don't share. He is mine and no one else's and I will see to it that those whores stay away.

_So be kind_

_And don't waste my time_

_Cryin' 'oh honey bear,_

_Are you still my, my, my baby?_

He says that I'm wasting his time and mine. Who is he kidding? He couldn't give a damn about me. He likes that I feed him and am a warm body in his bed. I'm easily replaceable. I'm not wasting my time if I can get him to stop, get him to settle down. I don't care how long it takes. Eventually he will realize that I am all he will have. Everyone else will tire of his games, but I will stay. I just hope that doesn't make me a fool.

_Take me for what I am_

_Who I was meant to be_

_And if you give a damn_

_Take me baby_

_Or leave me_

Sometimes, I just want to pretend our relationship is perfect. In my head, we are madly in love with nothing standing between us and a happily ever after. I am a romantic at heart. He sweeps me off my feet and carries me off to bed. I am a blushing bride every time. I wish I could be perfectly content to live in my own little world while he goes off on whoever has caught his fancy tonight. But I can't! I lie alone in the bed, once a place of happy memories, and have hallucinations of what he might have done in this bed without me. I close my eyes and all I see is Sirius with another man.

_No way can I be what I'm not_

_But hey! Don't you want your girl hot?_

_Don't fight, don't lose your head_

_Cause every night_

_Who's in your bed?_

_Who's in your bed?_

Still I love him. How can I not? He is the perfect man when you look at him with an ice cold eye. Beautiful, strong, graceful, smart, he's the whole package, the real deal. No wonder every animal on two legs falls over for him. I thought I was the lucky one, that I had won his heart. I have not. I won his bed, his home, occasionally his affections, but no one has his heart. He has mine, oh yes. But he will never let his heart leave his body. He is too spontaneous, playful, childish, inconsistent, to settle down. I can't stand him the way he is, so maybe I am as bad as he. But I continue to stay. I shout and fight and cry, yet I will never leave. An unending cycle of agony and pleasure, a wheel of fortune were one never knows whether the prize today will be a warm, romantic dinner or a night all alone in the cold.

How long can I last like this? Constantly loving and hating a person so fiercely it hurts. I will die if I lose him, and I will die if I stay with him. My heart will break either way. If I take him for who he is, then he must take me for who I am. We have to meet halfway. This hope is the only way I continue with my life every day. But it will never be. The circle will continue unbroken, a thread that goes on into infinity. Yet I will live this way until he tires of me and sends me packing. Sometimes I am such a fool.


End file.
